Ski Sutton…A Little Humor For the Holidays!

Editor’s Note…retired Newspaper Man and Sutton Resident George Smith posted a photo captioned “Ski Sutton” some time back on facebook….we asked him to write us something humorous (as we’ve never intentionally done anything humorous)….so here’s what he came up with!  Much as we wish he could turn Sutton into a ski resort, this is all a fabrication…

 

If you think that the Nevada County community of Sutton on County Road 31 is an unlikely place for a skiing destination, you’d be correct.

But the fact there is seldom snow, that ski equipment is expensive and few residents of Southwest Arkansas have ever been skiing did not deter George Smith and his family from opening Southwest Arkansas Ski Emporium.

Two new ski runs — a kiddie/beginners run and black run complete with moguls, dipsy-do’s and a ski jump ramp — are open for business, Smith said. The self-proclaimed mayor of Sutton, Smith said the “lack of true recreational facilities in the area gave me the idea of opening a couple of ski runs.” I’ve been skiing—one time in Colorado back in the ‘80s and it was fun!”

Smith said he his two children living in Colorado and “they helped me design the moguls course and ski jump. Brandie, a certified snowboard instructor gave me the best advice: “Make sure the ski runs are downhill.” My son Cameron suggested adding a cross-country course, which is doable since we have 1.25 miles of hiking and ATV trails cut through Andres Thicket Farm.

When asked what “is grown on the farm,” Smith said, “In season, ticks, chiggers, and thicket. But with the ski slopes opening up, we can add ‘tourists’ to the mix.”

Smith gave visiting media a demonstration on the black slope  dubbed “To Heck and Back”. Wearing red longjohns and a purple boa for “flair,” he strapped his feet onto two 6-foot-long 2x4s and made S-passes down a 40-degree slope between the Bedspring Ridge Ski Lodge and Marion Francis Lake.

The course was greatly enhanced by recent rains, which made the fall leaves “extremely slickery,” Smith noted.

Dodging small sycamore saplings and cross vines as he shussed down the incline, the entrepreneur screamed, “Yeeeehaw! Let’s do it Western, ya’ll.”

Stopping just short of the small, stocked “lake’, Smith unstrapped his boards, threw them over his shoulder and started the hike back to the top of the hill.

He explained that construction is still ongoing – “The ski jump will be over a big pile of limbs that will be covered with a 30-yard strip of Astroturf coated with Vaseline to create sufficient speed to clear a cluster of beauty berry bushes. It’llbe up and operation by December 23.”

The enterprise has ordered a 25 hp. motor and 400 feet of rope. When operational, the rope-and-pulley system will quickly return skiers to the top of the slope.

The “no-snow” ski run concept is being met with mixed reviews, Smith stated, “but don’t knock it until you try it.” One noted ski magazine openly derided the idea: “A skiing resort without snow is like having Frito pie without Fritos.” Smith countered; “There’s nothing wrong with plain chili.”

The new business will be announcing it grand opening soon. The prospect of possible snow Christmas week has Smith all-atwitter. “Skiing on real snow instead of wet leaves would be awesome!”